I have had a few realisations since my last post…
- It isn’t realistic to write a blog post every day. At least, not for me.
I can’t. Operation Gain is about seizing the day, being out there and taking in life as it comes. Sometimes I want to spend my evening reading, other times I am with friends and sometimes I just
don’t feel like constructing a post.
- I need to write and I need to write a lot.
Contrary to my previous bullet point, I do have to write. I have kept a diary since I was 17 and I find it so therapeutic to write how I am feeling. Sometimes I ramble and other times I write quite eloquently. Either way, I have been neglecting my daily entries and my management of my mind has suffered.
- I can be happy- if I allow myself to be.
I realised this morning that happiness is very much dependent on your thought processes, or how you choose to see things. I was with a friend and mindlessly rambling about all the things I was ‘worried about’: from moving out of my current accommodation to taking the glass bottles to the recycling. She listened, of course, but I was almost watching myself say these things and inside I began to see there were feasible solutions to all my ‘problems’.
In short: stop looking for problems!
- I don’t have to compulsively weigh myself.
In the morning, after eating, before dinner. Whenever it is: I DO NOT HAVE TO. It is a stupid number, I don’t get sad when I measure the distance between my lips and my nose do I? It is equally as arbitrary as my weight. It shouldn’t make me happy or sad- it is just a number and I believe I am well on my way to putting that belief into practice by refusing to weigh myself (like this morning).
- I am loved.
Truly, I am. I took 15 minutes or so to consider and then write down the names of people who care about me and I was pleasantly surprised with how many names I churned out! The people around you can be a source of light, inspiration and hope in your darkest hours. I felt so at peace when I realised earlier how many people and how intensely they felt for me. I am never alone. And nor are you.
I have felt very grounded and safe today and I am incredibly grateful for that. Food wise I am doing well but I know I could try harder. I am not 100% sure if my weight has increased yet but at some point soon I am sure my anxiety will force me to check(!) *actually, it might be good to check my weight just to see how I am progressing.