Letting go is not part of my nature.
Instead, I have a tendency to worry, over-complicate and analyse everything.
I want to know what’s going to happen in 3 months, 6 months, 2 years from now. I want to know where I’ll be, who I’ll be with and what I’ll be doing… but I cannot possibly know. I want to feel stable and secure (everyone does) but that is not the nature of living.
I do not like that.
Sometimes, I enjoy experiencing the unexpected. I can view the open road as a huge opportunity to live, to laugh, to see where life will take me…
More often than not though, the thought of things going wrong, of life not turning out how I envisaged it, scares me.
I am currently working on changing that go-to response. If I do not, I run the risk of living my entire life in perpetual fear of the unexpected and that just isn’t what I want.
I often try to view my life as an abstract watercolour painting. Where the colours and shapes all blur into one big mess. There’s no structure and there are no sharp edges. The colours are free to flow and move and swim (in my mind this is a ‘live’ picture). It is all constantly moving and I imagine myself staring in wonder at this beautiful movement.
There can be beauty in chaos. I truly believe that. Why must everything be ordered and neat and still? Life isn’t like that and nor am I. It’s messy and silly and sarcastic and cruel and hilarious and pitiful and raw and fresh and bright. It manages to be all of these things, all at once.
How can it be simple? Pure? It can’t!
Within that, lies beauty. So expect the unexpected, thrive on the good and wait patiently for the bad to pass- because in a changing world- it surely must.