That’s truly been keeping me going in the past few days. Not that I’ve had an atrocious time, but I have definitely felt the need to keep my motivation high.
I weighed myself today and I’ve gained weight.
“Great!” You’re thinking, “that’s what Operation Gain is all about, right?!”
… but when I saw that number flashing back at me I felt a twinge of regret. Increasing numbers on the scale has always been a source of anxiety for me and I watched my thoughts spiral into absurdity.
The number has risen!
It’s noticeable already!
That gut reaction is tough to stop. A few moments later I was able to turn my thoughts to the future -my biggest motivation. I got out my pen and paper and I wrote out my dreams, I wrote out what I wanted to achieve. And it’s true- I’ve got places I want to go, things I want to do! Re reading my list, I left the room with a new sense of clarity.
It’s exciting to think about the future- if you think about it in the right way. I used to fear the future, because I didn’t know what it held, sometimes I didn’t even want one. Now I am trying to view it as an opportunity. And opportunities are few and far between when you’re ill.
I have a greater purpose than weight loss. Anorexia has taken over 5 years of my past: I cannot change that, but I can change the future. The here and now.
I am deeply reassured by that.
I am 21 years old. Although it doesn’t always feel like it, I have the world at my feet. I just have to decide what to do with the time I have. As we all do.
I have the strength and control to forge my own path in life and the further it is from anorexia, the better. I am more determined than ever to fully recover. I never thought I could summon the courage to fight, but now I tell it to p*** off daily. Hourly.
I am a big believer in positive thinking so here are my positives:
- I gained weight
- I am drinking a lot more water
- I’ve been challenging myself with different foods
- I have caught up with friends recently
- I am managing well
Does thinking of the future help you too?