Gain 7: The Future

Gain 7: The Future

That’s truly been keeping me going in the past few days. Not that I’ve had an atrocious time, but I have definitely felt the need to keep my motivation high.

I weighed myself today and I’ve gained weight.

“Great!” You’re thinking, “that’s what Operation Gain is all about, right?!”

… but when I saw that number flashing back at me I felt a twinge of regret. Increasing numbers on the scale has always been a source of anxiety for me and I watched my thoughts spiral into absurdity.

The number has risen!

It’s noticeable already!

That gut reaction is tough to stop. A few moments later I was able to turn my thoughts to the future -my biggest motivation. I got out my pen and paper and I wrote out my dreams, I wrote out what I wanted to achieve. And it’s true- I’ve got places I want to go, things I want to do! Re reading my list, I left the room with a new sense of clarity.

It’s exciting to think about the future- if you think about it in the right way. I used to fear the future, because I didn’t know what it held, sometimes I didn’t even want one. Now I am trying to view it as an opportunity. And opportunities are few and far between when you’re ill.

I have a greater purpose than weight loss. Anorexia has taken over 5 years of my past: I cannot change that, but I can change the future. The here and now.

I am deeply reassured by that.

I am 21 years old. Although it doesn’t always feel like it, I have the world at my feet. I just have to decide what to do with the time I have. As we all do.

I have the strength and control to forge my own path in life and the further it is from anorexia, the better. I am more determined than ever to fully recover. I never thought I could summon the courage to fight, but now I tell it to p*** off daily. Hourly.

I am a big believer in positive thinking nomso here are my positives:

  • I gained weight
  • I am drinking a lot more water
  • I’ve been challenging myself with different foods
  • I have caught up with friends recently
  • I am managing well

 

~Alee

 

Does thinking of the future help you too?

 

 

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4 thoughts on “Gain 7: The Future

  1. Keep going! – when you gain anorexia will want to pull you back down. It’s a threat to it. BUT you are getting stronger, fitter, healthier and closer to your goals. Remember – your weight does not equate to your value. Do check out my own blog for posts on this and get in touch anytime. Sending love and gentle hugs. x

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  2. Weight gain terrorized me when I was coming back from starving. I get it. My slow change occurred as I looked back at the trauma of my childhood. Although painful, day by day I gained my identity and the defining attributes associated with pounds began to morph. Write to heal, keep a journal of emotions and trust that the spirit which resides in you is greater than all spirits who oppose, even the voice of fear. My prayers are with you.

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