Sometimes, you just have to.
If you’re anything like me, asking for help is difficult. And because it’s difficult, I seldom do it.
We all know that a problem shared is a problem halved but when you can have 50+ problems a day, ranging from the mild to unmanageable, is it really possible to ask for help every single time and maintain your own sense of independence without robbing someone else of theirs?
This is a question I dwell on.
If I’m having a bad mental health day, or a bad few hours, I have two options:
1. deal with it myself.
2. get someone to help.
On those days, some of the most basic tasks seem impossible. On my most recent ‘off day’ the things I struggled with ranged from going into the kitchen to get myself a drink, to preparing myself to have a meal, to leaving my place to go food shopping.
In those moments, I was terrified. Thoughts would spring up telling me not to do it, or if i did it this would happen, or that. I would convince myself I was too tired or too busy. I became paralysed by fear.
If I rule out asking for help, I leave myself with the possibility of not doing said task at all. By telling someone else, the responsibility of doing it is in a sense, passed over to them…
“I had to go shopping, x encouraged me to and if I don’t I will let her down”
“I had to make dinner because y told me to…”
You see, it wasn’t me! I wasn’t disobeying, it wasn’t me that made the decision…!
Dealing with it yourself is much harder.
You have to stand up, tall and strong and tell it to f- off.
That takes an insane amount of courage.
Often, it’s a case of talking yourself through the rational response, other times it’s a simple “I need to do it so I am”.
The more I rely on myself, the stronger I become and yet if I can pluck up the courage to ask for help- I am bringing in reinforcements to fight the fears.
Either way, as long as you defy it, you are winning.
In this post, I do want to stress the importance of actually, relying on yourself. By doing so, you give yourself responsibility of your own actions. You start to form your own choices, own priorities, away from the illness, or the part of you that makes you ill.
Forming a part of you, or at least contributing to its development, is imperative to the creation of a person which is not the illness, which is not driven by harmful urges.
It is so, so difficult… but know that nothing is physically stopping you. It may feel that way as our minds are powerful, but the will inside you that wants to thrive is even more so.